Thursday, July 2, 2009

BRAINTENANCE: Screed?....Indeed!

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Dear Friends:

I dislike writing in the Arial font. I prefer Times Roman, Bookman Old Style or Goudy Old Style. When I've used Copper Plate (admittedly, an archaic font), smart-alecky friends have remarked that my documents looked like "funeral announcements." Sometimes I think that my friends are the ones who openly criticize me, and my enemies are the ones who continue to smile despite the fact that my fly is open, there is toilet paper trailing from my shoe, or I have a piece of spinach the size of a cellular telephone lodged between my teeth. Anyway, enough about me.

How about you? Here are some items for your cerebration (never be too lazy to use a dictionary to confirm your guesses at word definitions through "use in context"):

1. 87.5% of Americans (the English-speaking ones) do not know what the word "screed" means. They're flummoxed.
Posted to Twitter at 07:39 PM on 07/01/2009.

2. If I work on a quality control line at the Zenobia Nut Company, and I routinely eliminate 10% of the nuts which pass me by because they (presumably) don't meet my exacting nut standards, 90% of the nuts will be left over. If a certain practical joker at the company knows that I routinely cull 10% of any given batch of nuts simply because of my unmedicated Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and he keeps re-cycling the remaining nuts by me for my inspection/ selection process time after time, how many passes (including the first) will it take for me to have eliminated 30% of the original batch of nuts? Remember: on the second pass, the total batch is only 90% of the size of the original batch.

3. Where in blazes are your Haikus? Create a few and place them in the "Comments" section at the bottom of this post. If you don't know what a Haiku is, simply refer to the last post at These Japanese-inspired poem forms are a wonderful mental exercise. C'mon. My life's ambition (the other one) is to publish a volume of Haiku producted by my fellow Braintenance enthusiasts. As you may recall, my sample Haiku (comprised of 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, and 5 in the third) was:

I have walked these streets
In my hours of loneliness
Hearing your last words

Now...get to work!


Douglas Castle

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