OXYMORONS (Nowthen) - Brain Expanders

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Oxymorons are self-conflicting or self-cancelling combinations of words. They are often humorous, brief, thought-provoking (associatively) and memorable. They also help stimulate our mind's ability to freely associate and visualize with greater speed and clarity. They stimulate imagination and creativity. What's more, they're great fun at parties.

We've all heard these: JUMBO SHRIMP, AUTHENTIC REPLICA, MILITARY INTELLIGENCE, HELPFUL CIVIL SERVANT and THE WAR ON TERRORISM (more obscure, but a bit more through-provoking in terms of semantics and shades of meaning).

With the following list, read each one aloud in your mind, and when you've finished, visualize the conflicting physical images. Then:

1) See how many of them you can easily remember;

2) See how many you can remember in the sequence in which they are presented. Incidentally, this is my collection of the best of the worst of these creatures:

Stretch those neurons....let them reach out and touch one another! Here we go:

A CAPPELLA WITH MUSIC

A FINE MESS

A FOOT AHEAD

A LITTLE BIG

ABSOLUTELY UNSURE

ABUNDANT POVERTY

ACCURATE ESTIMATE

ACTIVE NEUTRALITY

ACTUAL REENACTMENT

ACUTE APATHY

ALMOST EXACTLY

ALONE TOGETHER

ALTOGETHER SEPARATE

ALUMINUM BOTTLE

ANARCHY RULES

APPARENTLY INVISIBLE

APPEAR INVISIBLE

APPEARANCE HEARING

ATHEISTIC THEOCRACY

AUNT JEMIMA LIGHT

Try the above (and we're only in the "A" category!) and work this exercise. You will
find it invigorating. I could have provided you with a far longer list, but my friend Eric always tells me that "less is more." To me, this is a blinding flash of the obvious [ahem].

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Braintenance: Tom Swifties! - Guaranteed to make you grown.

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Tom Swifties! - Guaranteed to make you grown.

Dear Friends:

Tom Swifties are absurd and ridiculous puns based upon a liberal abuse of homonyms. Yet, they are indeed a wonderfully creative art form. It is a challenge to construct them, and a joyous braintenance exercise to read through them and find just how far the English language can be contorted by creative minds in the interest of producing statements that, on the surface, seem to make sense, but upon further inspection, are truly absurd. Ironically, both constructing and reading through Tom Swifties are vocabulary builders, and enhancers of our innate ability to see the relationships between words. The free association potential (one of the critical components of genuine intelligence) is invigorated by investing some time in Tom Swifties.

Some examples come to mind:

"I'm absolutely not a necrophiliac," Tom said half in dead earnest.

"What would like on your pancakes?" the waitress asked Tom syruptitiously .

Here is a collection of some others which you'll genuinely enjoy, courtesy of http://thinks.com/words/tomswift.htm:

• "Have you ever been whitewater rafting?" Tom asked rapidly. (*2)
• "What are these berries?" Tom rasped.
• "I'm embarrassed," Tom admitted readily.
• "I can see naturally," Tom realized.
• "There it is again!" Tom recited.
• "I've never had an accident," said Tom recklessly.
• """Said Tom recursively," said Tom recursively," said Tom recursively" said Tom recursively.
• "Nice looking glass!" said Tom reflectively.
• "It's time for the second funeral," Tom rehearsed.
• "I've gone back to my wife," was Tom's rejoinder.
• "Superglue!" Tom rejoined.
• "We did it twice last night," she relayed.
• "OK, you can borrow it again," Tom relented.  
• "I've transferred my money back into my German savings account," Tom remarked with interest.
• "I've passed the exam this time," Tom remarked.
• "That is remarkable," remarked Tom.
• "I've paid my annual subscription," Tom remembered.
• "I've gone back to using my maiden name", said Mary remissly.
• "I'd better repeat that SOS message," said Tom remorsefully.
• "My garden needs another layer of mulch," Tom repeated.
• "I'm taking this ship back into harbor," Tom reported.
• "Must I show again why this is true?" asked Tom reprovingly.
• "I mailed it to you again," Tom said resentfully. (*2)
• "I suppose I'll have to write my name again." said Tom resignedly.
• "I'm not a crook," Nixon said resignedly. (*2)
• "It's a piece of laboratory equipment," Tom retorted.
• "My oar is broken," said Tom robustly.
• "Balls!" Tom said roundly.
• "I can't eat any more of this bitter herb," said Tom ruefully.
• "What's the name of that street in Paris?" asked Tom ruefully. (*2)
• "I've an urgent appointment," said Tom in Russian.
• "I need a home run hitter," Tom said ruthlessly. (*2)
• "This fowl has been stuffed," said Tom sagely.
• "Bring me a large helping of vanilla with chocolate sauce," I screamed.
• "So only one person arrived at the party before I did?" Tom second-guessed.
• "I'll use my stopwatch to see how fast it moves," said Tom, seconding the motion.
• "I won't tell you anything about my salivary glands," said Tom secretively.
• "Would you like to buy an alarm?" asked Tom self-righteously.
• "Would you like to buy some cod?" asked Tom selfishly.
• "You lamb!" said Tom sheepishly.
• "Ought I to do this?" asked Tom with a shudder.
• "I'm going to end it all," Sue sighed.
• "This looks like the fruit of the blackthorn," said Tom slowly.
• "What are you taking pictures of?" Tom snapped.
• "I'll do your conveyancing, but I'll be slow and overcharge you," said Tom solicitously.
• "Rod sure is a spoiled little child," Tom said sparely. (*2)
• "One of the tires just blew out," Tom said sparingly. (*2)
• "This ocean is calm," said the sailors specifically. (*2)
• "The optician probably doesn't have my glasses ready yet," Tom speculated.
• "Save the whales," spouted Tom. (*2)
• "You don't see the point, do you?" asked Tom, making a stab in the dark.
• "Hey, you're standing on my foot!" said Tom standoffishly.
• "What's this black stain round my mouth?" asked Tom succinctly.
• "This tuna is excellent," said Tom superficially.
• "Yes, I have read Gulliver's Travels," said Tom swiftly.
• "Please don't sneeze with your mouth full, said Tom to the carpet-layer tactfully.
• "I'm simply not a nice girl," she whispered tartly. (*2)
• "I work at a bank," said Tom tellingly.
• "My bid for this contract aims to please," said Tom tenderly.
• "I have no idea," said Tom thoughtlessly.
• "Parsley, sage, rosemary," said Tom timelessly.
• "You shouldn't be writing elegies, young lady," the curfew told Nell.
• "I'm going to fix the roof," Tom translated.
• "I was adopted," said Tom transparently.
• "I punched him in the stomach three times," said Tom triumphantly.

I hope that you have enjoyed this departure from proper use of the English language.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

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BRAINTENANCE: What Would You Call This Type Of Wordplay?

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BRAINTENANCE: What Would You Call This Type Of Wordplay?

Dear Thinkers and Occasional Sufferers Living The 'Examined Life'" :

There are all types of wordplay...Palindromes, Tom Swifties, Hyperbole, Rhymes, Oxymorons, Paradoxes (which are cousins of the oxymorons, by the way) and a veritable panoply of poetic devices that we suffered through in junior high school. Synecdoche, anyone? (Def: A figure of speech in which a part is substituted for the whole. An example: "Lend me a hand.").

Visit: http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072405228/student_view0/poetic_glossary.html
But please come back afterwards.

Here are two questions:

1.     What is the appropriate term for an expression used to denote a grouping of animals of the same species? For example: school of fish; pride of lions, pod of whales, gaggle of geese, murder of crows, pack of wolves...

2.     What would you call this type of wordplay?

"There are two types of people in this world. There's the type who divide the world up into two types of people and the type who don't."

I'll have to get back to you. I am working hard at being lazy and trying to accelerate my command of procrastination.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

p.s. One of my daughters asked me when she was quite young, "Dad, if you find the right term for something, how come that isn't called 'termination'?" When I replied, "It's usually called something else, like classification or categorization," she retorted, "That makes no sense. classification would be if you found your class and categorization would be if your found your cat."

p.p.s. One of my friend Stu's favorite lyrics was from a 1960's song performed by the Byrds. As I recall: "I was so much older then/ I'm younger than that now."

A curious optical illusion follows, sent to me by friend and colleague, Rick Itzkowich (a writer for THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter). I have titled it "The Fallacy Of Classical Architecture"



Thank you, Rick. Perception, unchecked, is subjective reality. I simply see a row of wrenches, or perhaps tomahawks.



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