Friday, May 3, 2013

3 Stupidest Things I've Ever Heard

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Dear Brain Trainers:

We are taught using metaphors, parables and "sayings." We call them sayings because someone once said them. That is not an assurance of their quality. It is just a statement of the obvious. To make things worse (or more worser yet still), the older they are, the more wisdom is to be assumed to be contained in them. And to further worsen things (to make the worst even more worser yet), the more that people say them, the truer they are. This is interesting, because apparently, there are degrees of truth -- I'll have to consult neighbor Bill Clinton regarding the particulars of this issue.

Here, for you pleasure, live (somewhat) from The Braintenance Blog Of Blockbusting Brilliance, we offer you the three stupidest things I've ever heard, excluding such conversational Moronyms as "Notary Republic," Redundons [trite, expressions spoken by members of the Order of Illiterati such as "I'll be here for the duration," and the like:

1) "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times." [mathematically ridiculous];

2) "If you had half a brain, you'd be dangerous!" [This could mean many things, none of which would make me dangerous, unless I had stolen an ossified hemisphere from the exhibit in the science lab and flung the thing at someone -- which would actually cause 'brain trauma' in both senses of the expression!];

3) "Hey. We all put our pants on the same way. One leg at a time." [This is intended to make the person being spoken to feel more self confident. It is stupid. What if I'm going to read an academic paper to a bunch of Celts? What if I'm wearing my little black party dress? And what about the time when I was an undergrad, and I won a five dollar bet by putting baby oil on my legs and jumping into my jeans from the upper bunk in my dorm room?]

Enough. Now sit back, relax and enjoy a gentle bit of philosophy, with Flickspire's wonderful video, titled, "Life Is Like Coffee": Simply click on the link below:


Even if you disagree with the philosophy, or the simile (the cousin of a metaphor, but using "like" or "as" in its description and delivery), the acoustic guitar music is wonderful. Seriously, the music is so relaxing, and the sound quality crystal clear. Someday, when I find myself (how 'bout that one? Eh?), I would like to try my hand (there's another - is it metonymy or synecdoche? {sp?}) at producing a philosophical video. I'd give it a snappy title like "Crossing The Callosum"

Thank you, as always, for reading me, digging me, grokking me, and feeling me - and for sharing my articles (my wallet is missing! So's my pen!) with your contacts, comrades and colleagues across your social media platforms.

Douglas E. Castle

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